I’ve sort of had this lifelong habit of being a few steps ahead of everybody else…
It’s tended to leave me with little to add to the conversation.
Of course, there’s a whole school of thought that suggests “different” is exactly the way we should be; that “fitting in” just means conforming to someone else’s idea of how the world looks vs. being the unique human you are.
I think the trick is figuring out what’s wonderful and unique about ourselves vs. comparing; which, of course, is the hard part – the part that needs a whole lot of work right now – the part that sometimes makes is hard for me to come here and talk to you.
Several weeks ago, there was a whole group of bloggers who participated in a “things I’m afraid to tell you” tell-all. It grew so big, Huffington Post even ran a feature on it. To be truthful, the whole conversation sort of irritated me. I wondered if they’d all made a conscious decision at some point to withhold the truth and now were coming clean? To everyone’s delight and acclaim? Really??
Of course, there’s always been sort of a running debate in the blogosphere over telling the bitter truth vs. keeping your dirty laundry to yourself and I’ll admit to having been in the latter camp for most of the time I’ve been blogging. Mostly because people I actually know in the “real world” read this blog on occasion and might be astounded at the not-so-pretty things going on inside my weird little head… but, it’s never been that I was afraid to tell – I just sort of doubted anyone would really want to hear it.
I’m not sure exactly what changed my heart on this subject today. Maybe it’s just one of those weird moods that hit me every now and then… maybe it’s that feeling of apartness that’s been eating at me… and the hope that somebody out there can relate.